I haven’t been able to proofread this yet, but I will soon.  Thank you.

I feel in love with childbirth the first time I witnessed it with my own eyes.  I had seen kittens and puppies be born before and though it a glorious thing, but when I helped my sister bring my nephew into the world on that warm summer day in 2000, I knew I had witnessed a miracle.  I knew I had watched a rite of passage like none other possible in life, and while I didn’t think at that time I would be a mother, I was glad to be a woman.

When I prepared for my own daughter’s birth I did everything I thought I should do.  I did prenatal yoga and walked.  I ate a healthful diet and kept my weight gain to a minimum.  I took my vitamins.  I chose a practice with all women (7 of them) obstetricians and never missed an appointment.  I attended every session of the childbirth classes held at the hospital.  I wrote a birth plan that outlined the process that I hoped would be my natural vaginal birth and gave it to the doctor’s.  I did everything I knew to do to insure that I would experience birth in the most natural form.  The way I felt nature/God intended in most cases.

Then, on the day I turned 38 weeks I was given my 7th ultrasound in my pregnancy to check on the size of my baby.  They estimated her to be upwards of ten pounds.  The doctor I saw that day said that if I had any hope of giving birth vaginally I would need to go in that night to be induced.  I agreed because I wanted a vaginal birth.  I called my family and packed my bags.  We got to the hospital and as soon as the doctor on call (different from the doctor who recommended the induction) read my chart she ordered another ultrasound.  She then explained to us that she believed that my baby being upwards of ten pounds was too large to risk a vaginal birth.  She gave us a list of possible complications if we did indeed choose to attempt a vaginal birth – shoulder dystocia, cerebral palsy, brain damage, death.  The doctor left the room for us to make our decision.  I looked at my husband and sister in uncontrollable tears.  We all thought that there was only one thing to do.  I consented to have a surgical birth.

My daughter was born 8 pounds and 13 ounces 20.5 inches long.  I immediately felt like I had been played.  Then, as complications arose for the both of us from the surgery, including a five night hospital stay, I knew in my heart that I had made the wrong choice.  I now know that that surgery was unnecessary and have had it most likely confirmed so by another obstetrician.  At this point I became passionate about childbirth, and have since set out to educate myself and anyone that was looking for answers on the topic.

While cesarean section is a blessing for many mothers and babies, as it was in the case of my second birth, when it is necessary because of a medical complication.  The practice in this country is obviously being abused putting in danger  mothers and their babies.

In the United States the cesarean rate is 31.8%.  The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends that to remain within a healthy range no country should exceed 10-15%.  That means that the US has doubled that recommendation.  It has increased 48% since 1996.  Why?

There are many speculations as to why, however there are some things we can be sure of, the first being elective cesarean surgery.  With rumors of celebrities scheduling their surgical births, women wanting to plan ahead to avoid certain days and times to give birth, and others misinformed and afraid of a vaginal delivery, it has become possible for many women to just choose surgery.  I believe convenience for the obstetrician plays into this as well.  They don’t have to be on call or wait on a long labor.  Not only does this seem more convenient for some, but it is also more money in the pockets of the doctors and hospital.

The other large reason is malpractice lawsuits and insurance companies.  Doctors fear being sued, which I think might play a part in many of the cases of recommended c-sections for a large baby.

Then, there is the cascade of medical interventions most often starting with an induction and leading to a c-section.  A labor brought on by chemical induction is much more intense than regular labor brought on by natural hormones released from both the mother and baby.  This often leads to an epidural and the mother growing tired sooner.  It is also more likely to cause a baby to go into distress.  A natural labor for a first time mother can easily last twelve hours or longer and be completely safe.  Induction brings on hard contractions much sooner.  It is not as gradual a process as natural labor.

Why do we consent to these things?  Some of you may even be wondering why I’m concerned at all with any of this.  It is because we are misinformed and left in the dark by the health care practitioners we are trusting to deliver us safely through our pregnancies and birthing experiences.  It is because for me ignorance was not bliss and has had lasting health complications for both myself and Deladis.  I wish I had known to know better.  I wish I know now was common information and not something you have to search for.  I wish all women had the means to inform themselves and were respected by their practitioners.

So, you have the right to know this (whatever your choice is)…

1. A c-section is a major abdominal surgery.

2. C-section surgery poses risks to the mother including infection and hemorrhage among others that are 2 to 4 times more than a vaginal birth.

3. C-section surgery can delay mother and infant bonding due to post-op regulations in the hospital and the delay of natural bonding hormones.

4. Babies born via c-section are more likely to have allergies and have issues breathing at birth.  A c-section also runs the risk of babies being cut by a scalpel during surgery.

5. The “big baby” reason is a myth.  Ultrasounds are notoriously wrong the later you are in your pregnancy at determining the size of your baby.  Unless you have had the rickets or your pelvis is knowingly deformed in some way, there is no reason to think that your pelvis would not accommodate the size of your baby.

6. You have the right to refuse cesarean surgery or any other medical intervention you feel is unnecessary.  (Barring any medical emergency, this is your safest option).

7. You have the right to be fully informed of all the pros and cons of any medical intervention before making your decision.

8. You are more likely to experience a c-section if you have private insurance and private doctor.

9. If you become uncomfortable with you health care provider, you have the right to change.  (Check with your private insurance companies as to their date requirements, but in most cases arrangements can be made.)

10. Homebirth with a midwife is available in most states and is the safest option of vaginal birth.  Midwives generally have better birth outcomes than obstetricians who are trained to look for an emergency not normal vaginal birth.

11. VBAC is safer than repeat c-section.

Please take the time to inform yourself.  Start by visiting some of the links provided in this article and watching this short film.  Then, I recommend you watch Ricki Lake’s The Business of Being Born.  If you are then inspired to learn more, please feel free to email me and I can recommend more websites and books to help you avoid or prepare for you necessary c-section.  You have been given a glorious gift of pregnancy and the opportunity to give birth.  Take it into your hands.

I want to begin by apologizing for not quite keeping up here with the comments and posting these last few months.  I want everyone to know I read every comment and respond in my mind (Hopefully, I will be able to do better about posting those thoughts as we get back into a healthy post holiday rhythm).  I very much value the interaction on this blog and the others I read.  It’s nice to have online community.

So, we just got back from Cincinnati visiting some family there.  We went to the zoo’s Festival of Lights and saw an amazing light display, some neat animals (an eastern screech owl up close and personal, shown by a delightful caregiver, and some spectacular insects), and an outdoor show by the Madcap Puppet Theater in about 10 degree weather.   It was their Christmas present for the girls, and I am so grateful for it.  Both Deladis and Ivy were in high hog heaven.

But… the highlight of the trip for my personal self was a trip to Trader Joe’s to stock up on some hard to find grocery items.  I had read various women sing the praises of Trader Joe’s on internet forums, and I had never experienced for myself.  I have fallen in love, and I want to know how you can get a store like that to come to a rural place like this.  The first surprise was the size.  It was a tiny, quaint store.  I didn’t know what to expect, and while I didn’t see shelves and coolers filled with a crazy variety of food like you would at a Whole Foods store, I saw just enough.  It was almost perfect – almost.  The prices were the kicker for me.  I found Trader Joe’s bacon that was nitrate/nitrite/MSG free for $3.99.  I bought 4 packs.  Here you pay $4.99.  Frozen blueberries for $2.99 (12 oz.).  Gluten Free Mac-Cheese for $0.99 a box!  I found whole milk yogurt with a higher fat content than Yo’ Baby, and when you have a picky toddler who loves yogurt that is a blessing.  Ivy needs all the fat she can get.  It was wonderful.  I bought four large canvas bags full to the top of good food for $137.00  I can’t believe how excited I get over food.  I want a Trader Joe’s in the mountains.  I pay twice the price for some of the things I bought today on a regular basis.  I think that once local people saw the food was affordable, they’d be happy to shop there.

Yee-haw!!!

2010 is a good year.  Heck, every year is a good year.  We are blessed with life!  I have been inspired in these last weeks, and I know without a doubt that I am being led, and I am taken care of.  It’s nice to be assured of that.  It’s freedom.  It makes you want to do something about it.  Over on a blog I found a few months ago a challenge is being held – Hip Mountain Mama (One Small Change) .  She is encouraging people to make small changes in our living to create sustainability and positively influence our impact on the environment.  John and I try to work on this every day.  It is of a great deal of importance to us as energy issues impact our everyday life with the coal industry being a crucial part of the economy of the mountains and living with the impact that has on our surroundings.  We know that this isn’t a stable energy source, and it won’t be possible to fuel our local economy off of it forever, and John and I both believe we mountain folk need to start making those changes now and learn what we can do to sustain ourselves here.  However, we know that coal provides about 80% of the nation’s electricity, so it is up to all of us to begin that change.

I probably won’t be able to keep up with the blog deadlines she has set, but I’m going to participate in my own way.

Here is what I want to change:

1.  There is no recycling center in our county.  The closest is about 30 miles away.  Because of this we have stopped recycling.  (And John watched a Penn and Teller BS episode and feels it might not be so bad. I don’t know.  I’d have to revisit that episode myself.)  So, in lieu of that, I’d like to reduce our waste.  We have it down to about 1 garbage bag a week.  The next change I think I will make it making some napkins to use in place of paper towels for eating and some mess clean up.  I have some old sheets that would work perfect for that.

2.  I’m going to make it a point not to buy bottled water when I am out and about.  I plan to purchase a stainless steel water bottle and fill that to carry around.  We use water we collect from the watering hole for consumption and cooking at home.  Carrying that with us won’t be hard.  Plus, after hearing about the movie Tapped, I am motivated.  It is hard to think about when the local water supply can hardly be trusted because of recent petroleum spills and other such industrial pollutants.  Praise God for our watering hole.

I challenge everyone to make one small change.  Something you can feel good about.

I’m wonderfully optimistic about the year to come.  I think I’m finally coming to an understanding of what it means to let go and let God.  To kick off the new year, I have decided to start a series of posts on things we have a right to know about (in fact in many situations our life depends on it), but for whatever reason they are kept “secret” whether through planned secrecy or by tactful exclusion of information.

John and I spent the evening on the couch last night watching our new Netflix arrival – Food, Inc. .  I’ve been waiting on this movie since it came out a while back.  This film demystifies our current system of industrialized food and the problems that arise from our expectation of fast and cheap food.

It was a little over a year ago now when a prolonged illness of mine prompted me to switch our diet to a traditional foods diet as proposed by The Weston A. Price Foundation and authors like Sally Fallon and Nina Planck.  Since then, I have noticed a tremendous change in my health and well being along with that of my husband and children.  I have lost and maintained a 100 pound weight loss (though I was already losing weight before changing my eating, I contribute most of it to traditional foods).  I have more energy.  My gums no longer bleed when I brush or floss my teeth.  But, the most noticeable for me is my relationship to food.  I no longer fear food making me fat, because I know that what I am choosing to eat is real food and not something fabricated in a factory.  I enjoy my food and I eat plenty of it.  I’m eating things the diet industry tells us will make us obese and sick – butter, bacon, red meat, and whole fat dairy.

This approach to eating (I don’t call it a “diet” in the terms of how most of us view the word) has changed my life so completely that I can’t help but get excited about sharing it with others.  However, all to often I have noticed people don’t want to hear the truth about where their food comes from, and I tend to get tuned out.  Instead of accepting that there is a problem here and we are in need of huge change as a society, they continue to eat from the conventional store shelves food that more often than not is some kind of factory made variation of corn or soy bean products and they wonder why they are sick with things like diabetes, cancer, high blood pressure, heart disease, or obesity.  Why is that?

The fact of the matter is that we have a right to know where our food comes from and under what conditions it is being processed for our consumption.  Our food is life.  What we put into our body directly affects how we are able to live our life.  However, now that our food supply is being controlled by just a few multi- million (billion) dollar corporations that treat their farmers and factory workers like second class human beings, who don’t care at all about the health of the animals they process for meat, and treat our meat, produce, and dry goods with a variety of chemicals to give them unnatural shelf lives, we are being kept in the dark of food practices that if they were public knowledge would incite the citizens of this country to demand a change.

The truth is that 1 in 3 children in this country born after 2000 will develop diabetes.  1 in 3 children in this country are either considered overweight or obese.  Low-income Americans (under $30,000) a year find it hard to afford a healthy diet.  This comes along with the idea of fast food being cheap.  You now can buy chips for a lesser price than a head of broccoli, and then there are dollar menus at fast food restaurants.  The question of food availability also arises.  Living in rural Appalachia, I find it extremely difficult to find food I feel is appropriate for my family, and I have to make too many compromises.

Our country is facing an epidemic that is inexcusable.  We owe our children a better chance at a healthy life than this.  We owe it to ourselves as well.  While industrialization has brought about many good changes in our way of life, when its principles are applied to certain more personal areas of our lives, we find we are detrimentally affected by its lack of concern for the greater human good as opposed to the low cost production industry holds so dear.  A few profit from the loss of many.

After viewing this film and others like it, I can’t help but encourage others to become informed as well.  Know where your food comes from.  Know that in one pack of ground beef there is meat from 50-100 cattle.  Know that most chickens raised for commercial slaughter for companies like Tyson never see the light of day or feel grass under their feet.  In fact, they are lucky to be able to bear their own body weight on their brittle legs.  Know that the tomato you are buying that is so pretty and red was shipped to your location in many cases over thousands of miles, and picked while still green.  It was ripened chemically.  Know this, and decide to change it.  There are farmers out there with answers to this problem.  We can have normal, affordable, healthy food.  We can live without the fear of food related disease.  Arm yourself with knowledge.  Then, cast your vote for the foods you want every time you choose your purchases at the grocery.

It takes us awhile to recover from Christmas.  In two days, we have Christmas festivities with four families.  This week we are traveling to South Carolina (where I am writing this) and later to Cincinnati to see more family.  The two days we’ve gotten to spend at home have been spent in rest and trying to find places for the new toys.  We gave a box of toys the week before Christmas to my nephew to help us with that task.

I have never been an organizer of things.  I organize myself and I have places for things that I care about in my home, but when it comes to having things look neat and tidy – I fail miserably.  Our house is clean where it counts.  The toilet, bathtub, dishes washed, and clothes washed, but neat and tidy it is most definitely not.  I have tried before.  I was fairly successful, but with so little room it has been hard to really make a difference.  Not being gifted with the talent of housekeeping has made it hard to maintain. 

John recently told me to let go of the standard I am trying to achieve.  In ten years of marriage, we’ve not had a neat home, even before kids.  It’s true.  Clean, but not neat.  With our various collections and our love for the written word, music, and art, comes a lot of things to be kept in our small cabin.  I am not doing a good job of managing it all.

Then, I am trying to find an organization that will work with me and my pursuit of becoming a certified childbirth educator.  There are none here to train under or observe.  Most organizations have at least that requirement.  Travel isn’t possible for me without making huge,expensive arrangements.  I also have to keep in mind the reputation of the certifying organization and the experience of others.  It is proving difficult, but I’m pushing onward.  I hope that by the time I finish my prenatal yoga training in April, that I can start offering my services to the women in our area. 

There is a lot of organizing to do.  We have been taking time off of our homeschooling.  I have been in deep spiritual study, and I am missing my yoga quite a bit.  I love seeing family and spending time in places away from home, but not being able to do my daily yoga is hard.  It is at those times when you can really tell what such a practice does for you.

I hope to be able to post more starting next week.  In the meantime, if anyone has any suggestions on home organization or childbirth educator certification for such a rural mama, I’d love to read them.  Please comment.  I’m wishing you all a great New Year and some restful fun!

photo by Brett Marshall (http://brettmarshall.blogspot.com)

I wish you all a blessed few days in all the holidays you are celebrating!  Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

“Holed in” – This is a term used in these parts for a time when you have to stay put somewhere, usually at home, for a longer period of time than normal.  I’m assuming the term came from either underground coal mining or fox holes in the World Wars.  I can’t think of an older beginning, but “holed in” was exactly what we were this weekend.

From Friday evening to Sunday evening we were without power due to the big snow storm that hit our region.  For us, that also means without water as we have a well that runs on an electric pump.  Our one gas heater kept us warm enough, but the water situation got old.  Washing dishes with snow isn’t fun after a few meals of doing it.  So, when I realized it had been Wednesday since I had showered last and I learned my dad had all the amenities, we trekked out across the snow.  The four of us walked out of the holler as the truck wasn’t budging.  I borrowed our friend’s/neighbor’s wading boots and walked Ivy and myself across the water.  John and Deladis set out with our suitcase up the hill using the oddly placed bridge.

We made it to my dad’s (in the van which we park across the creek), got cleaned up, and John took me out to eat and finish some Christmas shopping for the niece and nephews while my dad and his wife watched the girls.  It was a much needed rest.  On the ride to the eating place, John and I both felt how tired we were.  You know how it is… you don’t feel how tired you are until you try to get out and go somewhere.  But, being out after five consecutive days of not leaving the holler, and going out with John made it super nice.  That is one thing John and I need more of – couple time.  I’m slowly working out what our needs are, and John and I have been talking quite a bit about how things should be for our lives to be balanced and whole.  I’m confident and hopeful.

The last time we were out was Wednesday night for Deladis’ first dance recital.  John’s mother has been helping us afford lessons for Deladis in tap, ballet, and jazz.  At first I thought it would be a good way for her to socialize with other little girls, but she turned out to be the only student in her age group this semester.  She has taken to dancing like it is a natural progression for her.  She has no problem being the only student, and looks forward to dance class days.  I have watched her develop her physical body in ways that she was a little behind other children her age since starting dance.  I’ve watched her grow stronger and enjoy physicality, which isn’t her preference of being.  Dance has helped balance her.

All of her grandparents, her great grandmother, her aunt and cousin, and John and I came to watch her dance.  We along with all the other parents and guests filled the room.  She practices behind a curtain with just her teacher watching, so I was a little nervous for her dancing in front of so many people.  I didn’t mention that to her though, and talked only about how fun it was going to be, and how much I was looking forward to finally seeing her dance.

She was ready to dance from the moment we walked into the room.

Getting her shoes on.

The oldest student is also in class by herself.  She is in high school and she danced first.  When it was Deladis’ time, she took the floor without hesitation.  My eyes teared over when hers met mine.  I could tell she was so pleased to share her talent with me.  We connected in that moment in that special way that hadn’t happened for a long time.  It felt perfect.

Looking to Mommy

Her music was “Away in the Manger”, and she was equipped with all the props.

At the end of the song, she gently placed her doll in the manger and pranced off the floor.  I couldn’t have been more proud.  I think her teacher was too.

After the next class performed, Deladis had another song – “We Need a Little Christmas” – where she showed us some of her tricks on the mat.

Eggroll

I will be trying my very best to keep her love of learning intact and her self confidence.  I see so many of my introverted ways in her, but she had the confidence to shine, and no one should ever put that light out.

We are taking a break from our homeschooling for the rest of the month.  We are all tired from the trying time we’ve had over the last little while.  I think a break will be what we need.  It is always good to reassess and take the time to just be what we are.  If I don’t get back here before the new year…. Happy Holidays to Everyone.  I wish you many happy days.

Be Blessed!

I’ve been threatening to announce something for a week or two now.  It’s time.  I’ve been struggling to come to terms with what I feel like are big failures in my life as a mama and homemaker.  I can’t keep my house straight or organized.  I’m tired and feel disconnected more than I would like to.  The fact is that I think I am getting burned out.  Without many breaks to be had, and with basically no social life aside from taking my girls to see their grandparents, I’m suffering to find balance.  I’m looking for an outlet.  I have to have one in order to do my job at home to the best of my ability.

A few week’s ago, I thought God had given me a very blunt answer to my prayers about what my life is supposed to be.  I thought the answer was that I was being selfish and I needed to realize that I chose life as a mother and wife and that being home, homeschooling, and homemaking – devoting my life solely to my children and husband was where I belonged and where my purpose lies.  I was not to add another activity, but focus on fixing my shortcomings at home, and find all the happiness I need in being given that blessing.

The answer that I had thought I had gotten was through something that I thought was happening to me.  Thought.  It boogers us up sometimes.  What I thought was happening was not, and I was disappointed.  Disappointed not because I had hoped or planned for this event to happen, but because I thought I was getting a straight answer and my worry and searching was over.  I had resolved myself to simply being what I am now and had vowed to make it work.  Now, I was back to square one.

Then, after a few days of mulling it over I realized what had actually happened was an open door.  It was a door that when stepped through allowed for me to make my life new.  It allowed me to acknowledge that my feelings of aloneness and churning were legitimate, and because they are I don’t have to try to rid myself of them by pretending there is something wrong with me.  Instead, I can do something about them.  That is what I have decided to do.

I need to use the talents and passions that God gave me.  I can write.  I am passionate about safe childbirth and breastfeeding.  I am in love with yoga.  Books make me happy.  I also need to make an effort to connect with others and get some time outside of the home.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love my life in this holler.  I would live nowhere else, yet there needs to be balance in my life – a chance to breathe and contribute what I can.

I have decided to take a course and become a certified childbirth educator.  I would teach all aspects of birthing, but focus on helping women achieve a normal vaginal birth when possible.  I hope to help promote breastfeeding and natural childbirth.  I am also getting certified for teaching prenatal yoga in the spring.

Along with this, I plan to do more with blogging in the form of a couple of niche blogs that I’ll announce here when I get it all worked out.  I may try my hand at some nonfiction articles and submitting those.  I will also be stepping up finding a publisher for my short story collection and finishing my novel.  I may consider self-publishing.  I received a note from an editor on one of my story rejections this week encouraging me to send more.  Usually rejections are just the form letter, so when you get some real ink from a pen on there, it is promising.

I want to help bring in some income and I want to use my skills.  I want to have something to do that will relieve me a little from time to time.  I don’t know how I am going to work it around our homeschool schedule, or how I will manage childcare if I need it.  I’m taking the plunge without that being set in stone.  I have to.  For my sake and for my girls.  I simply feel like I was designed that way.

We are social beings – even the most introverted of us.  I read an article in the November/December issue of Mothering Magazine by Heather Hall about her family building a house where they lived along with her parents and her husband’s mother.  I have been looking into the history in women’s lives, and I also saw this article on the Mothering website.  The nuclear family living in separate houses from their elder parents and other family members is a relatively new thing.  Historically, women had a village around them, and we’ve all heard the statement – it takes a village to raise a child.  In other words, they had ready fellowship, an occasional break from their childcare duties, and an outlet.  Mothering where I am now is a very isolated thing.  I don’t think I have to feel guilty by feeling that I need something else to go along with my efforts here.  If I don’t have a village, I have to create a situation where we are all balanced and ready to be all we can be for each other.

As I work out what this will mean for my family, I will write about it.  We are still homesteading, and I am still homeschooling, and will primarily be a stay-at-home mom.  I will just be seeking to do some things on the side.

There is quite a bit going on around here right now.  Deladis had her first dance recital last night, and she did amazing!  She danced all by herself.  I’m so proud of her.  I had to take Ivy back to the doctor this morning for more medicine and blood draws.  I spent most of the rest of the day trying to recoup on the couch.  I have so much on my mind and with Ivy not able to sleep well at night, it is leaving me a little foggy.  I want to be on the top of my game when I write here, so I’ll make sense at least.  I have had to neglect the blog a bit, but I have many posts planned.  I should be posting more often real soon.

It has come time for some change in my life and it has become more obvious to me than ever.  I have some big plans and some big hope.  I can’t wait until I am able to write all about it here.  Thank you folks for the well wishes, and hanging in with me.  I’ll write a real post soon.

There are those times in all of our lives when it seems like things fall apart one after the other.  The Haywoods are experiencing that right now.  I wanted to come on today and post something cheery or at the very least poignant.  Not possible.  I write it as it is – moment by moment and right now it just isn’t flowers and fluffy clouds.

We are all fighting colds.  John actually stayed home from teaching music today.  That is something he wouldn’t do without a good reason, not even if I think he has a good reason.  He is sick.  We are all exhausted.  Then, yesterday, our refrigerator decides to give out.  It took us awhile to notice and by that time we lost a lot of what I had stored in our freezer.    I had stuff that I had stocked up on from our trip to Lexington and Whole Foods some months back.

What saddened me the most are the blackberries that I had picked all summer and hoped to turn into blackberry dumplings had completely thawed and were dripping all over the freezer.  The gas company took all my blackberries out with the new road.  I was waiting for a special day to celebrate those wild blackberries.  I quickly hopped online and posted to my favorite traditional foods forum and soon got a response to make a berry compote.  I had flour soaking for pancakes this morning, so that is what I did.  Berry compote is good on pancakes.

I had never made it before or had it that I can recall, so I referenced an online recipe and made it my own.

Berry Compote

• Approx. 36 ounces of berries
• 2 tbsps. of butter
• 5 tbsps. of honey

Put everything in a warm skillet and cook down until you have about half the liquid you had in the pan after the initial heating.  Refrigerate and enjoy over ice cream, pancakes, or yogurt.

We ate it this morning and it was delicious.  I’m sure it did us good with all those antioxidants.

Instead of spending this day to rest, John went out to find a decent used refrigerator.  We scored one for $200, and he got it inside after having to take the back door off of the hinges.  I feel sorry for him.  It’s a two door.  I’ve never had one of those before.  This isn’t a good time for us to spend extra money either, but it happens I guess.

I’m praying.  I’m having some discipline issues too with Deladis.  Four is proving to be the hardest age yet for me and my mothering.  Discipline is something I have never been good at with young children.  Having impatience as your big dragon doesn’t help much either.  I’m sifting through that with tears.

Someone really cool once said… “There is always a calm before the storm.”  It’s storming now, so that tells me a calm is coming soon.  I’m looking for even the smallest patch of blue sky.

I still have to wait to tell my exciting news until the right time.  I can promise you however, (as someone has asked) that I am not pregnant.  Though that would be very exciting news indeed, it would send both mine and John’s parents into coronaries.    So, I shouldn’t be announcing that.  However, I don’t think we would mind all that much.

Instead, I want to share with you some of our Christmas activities that we’ve been doing as part of our homeschooling.  I want this holiday to be a special one for my girls.  I have to be honest and say that coming from a family that experienced divorce, it was a difficult time for me as a child.  I wanted to be two places at once, and it was too much for a kid to feel.  As I mentioned before, John and I both still have a hard time being everywhere and doing everything we would like to be and do this season.  So, I want our own little family tradition to be sweet and simple.  Close knit.  Real.  Acknowledging all aspects of the season.

This year we are observing Advent for the very first time.  It is not commonly celebrated here, so I didn’t know all that much about how to do it up right.  When I went looking for books about Advent, I was asked if it was a foreign holiday.  I have managed to find enough information to adapt the holiday to our family and what we have on hand with the help of Festivals, Family, and Food by Diana Carey and Judy Large, and a great blog I am finding more and more helpful each time I visit it – The Parenting Passageway.

I made an Advent wreath from our grapevine wreath that we decorate seasonally, and some things we had around indoors and out.  It sits on our kitchen table.  The candles are lit at mealtimes.

Each of the four Sundays leading up to Christmas we add more decoration to the wreath as we announce another part of the earth that is awaiting the birth of the Christ.

The first light of Advent is the light of stone-

Stones that live in crystals, seashells, and bones.

The second light of Advent is the light of plants-

Plants that reach up to the sun and in the breeze dance.

The third light of Advent is the light of beasts-

All await the birth, from the greatest to the least.

The fourth light of Advent is the light of humankind-

The light of hope that we may learn to love and understand.

-I’ve seen this verse posted several places online without a source given.

I wanted to make an Advent calender, but I haven’t found the time.  Instead, we are using Christmas stickers on our everyday calender to mark off the days until the holiday, which we’ve marked with a manger scene.

I’m really enjoying this focus on the birth of Jesus that Advent brings.  So many times, we can get lost in the buying of gifts and attending parties that we can lose the sense of introspection that this season allows no matter our religious beliefs.  It is a time where we seek the warmth of what is inside of us, and I fear in so many ways we as an American people are having a trying time finding enough warmth to sustain ourselves – not because it isn’t there, but because we lose ourselves in what we think things should be like, rather than what they are.  I’m guilty of this myself, so maybe I am just projecting here.  I want my girls to have traditions they can remember fondly no matter the economic climate or what is going on in pop culture.  To add to the spirit of Advent, our Circle Time story has been the birth of Jesus.

We’ve also made ornaments and snowflakes from the Festivals, Family, and Food book.  The big tissue ball in the picture of the calender is one.

This is the smaller version for the tree.

Deladis loved making the snowflakes this week.  She was giddy.  Our theme for the last two weeks has been snow.  I love the focus on nature in Waldorf and acknowledging the important roles the seasons play in our lives – the role that Mother Earth plays.  Both of the girls have loved it, and I have watched them grow so much.  Ivy is now even trying to recite the poems and sing the songs in words.  Deladis told me for the first time she had a favorite part to the poem “Velvet Shoes” by Elinor Wylie – “We shall walk through the still town”.  They have especially enjoyed “Winter Morning” by Ogden Nash, but I can tell that Deladis’ favorite of all is

Dust of Snow

The way a crow

Shook down on me

The dust of snow

From a hemlock tree

Has given my heart

A change of mood

And saved some part

Of a day I had rued.

- Robert Frost

It is Mommy’s favorite too.

Christmas outfits from Mamaw Haywood