Today is Ivy Pearl’s birthday. Actually, 2:12am this morning was. She is officially 1 year today. I am officially no longer the mother of an infant. I approach this day with celebration and trepidation. I am so happy to have a healthy, rambunctious little girl who is full of fight and fun. I am excited about her being a toddler. Even more excited about not having a big birthday bash for her like we tried with Deladis for the last three years. We are having a simple celebration with just the four of us. I’m going to make peanut butter balls for an after dinner treat. We had a chocolate cake that I made at mom’s for them to eat. Ivy didn’t like cake.
I am apprehensive about my feelings surrounding her birth. It was this time last year that my water broke with no labor. Then, I went through every stage of labor, but didn’t dilate. It was this time last year that I waited for nearly 2 days to birth triumphantly, and birthed through cesarean a second time. I am not actively grieving anymore, but I am still full of fire about spreading the word on cesarean births. I tried a separate blog for that, but it didn’t seem to be working. I am planning to include a few posts in the next few weeks on the topic here. I can say that I feel having homebirth as a viable legal option should be a mainstay in every state. Homebirth midwives are birth heroes in my eyes, and the reason that Ivy’s birth was as good as it was.
I am also sad that I will never have the chance at VBAC again. It’s not that I want to parent another child, nor is it that I don’t. I simply don’t believe it is right for me, right now. I will never know how it feels to birth fully – birth true. I’ve come to terms with that, but it doesn’t take away the desire to know the feeling.
I look at Ivy today and am happy for her and me. We came through a year’s journey that was full and fulfilling. I look at Ivy today and I am glad we are back in our holler, together as a family. My girls make home a very unlonely place. I look at Ivy today and I see her potential. Full of spunk, spark – life. I wonder what she will be. I wonder who I will be when I look into a woman’s eyes and see my baby Ivy in there. Happy Birthday Ivy Pearl.
Ivy Pearl: born 11 pounds – 22 inches (The journey began at 5pm on April 26th and ended at 2:12am April 28th.)
Ivy Pearl: Birthday + 1 – 19 pounds and 30 inches