As wonderful days tend to do, they end. I’m left looking at the areas where our rhythm failed us after our near perfect day on Monday. I’m left looking at the windows of time lost to Ivy being cranky. The joy falling from Deladis’s face as Ivy climbs my back and tries to take the book from my hands during our story time. Wondering endlessly whether or not I have the girls going to bed too late or not. I’m contemplating how one simple thing like an unplanned, but necessary trip to the chiropractor can throw things off for days. Work left undone. Like a bridge in a song, where the music floats off into a tangent… but the notes always come back around into the previous arrangement.
I am not frustrated, only bemused. I didn’t expect magic. In all things there are flaws, and the flaws in our rhythm can be made better. I’m going to press onward with what I have down a few more days. As I see more of what is working and what isn’t, I can make changes. I know I am not feeling as pressured even when our rhythm goes asunder. I’m finding myself a more patient mother because even I need to know that there are other hours in the day and right now is the only right now we have. Deladis seems more content. She sleeps now beside me, us having to forgo the bedtime routine because Wednesday night church had us out too late. I left church early without feeling guilty because Ivy needed to go and the good Lord understands babies, and mamas, and life – even when they interrupt prayer time. To nurture and provide a comforting foundation for my children is my job right now, and I am determined to do well at it, as I am determined to be well-rounded and fulfilled in my personal life.
There is too much food in the refrigerator because I overcooked using our little menu… somehow. It’s weird. So, I only have to cook breakfast tomorrow. Lunch and dinner are covered with our lovely leftovers. I served Deladis two runny eggs this morning and she ate every last bite as did John and I. Yes, I made six eggs. I didn’t want to make us make do with just eating one. Again, things to figure out and work to be done. There are far worse things than an evening where it isn’t necessary to cook, though it has become one of the joys of my life.
I’m researching more into our way of eating, and trying my best to fit our dietary needs into our budget. I believe I can do it. As old habits are hard to break, food ruts are too. I’m stuck wanting nuts and cheese at lunch eventhough those are two of the most expensive things on my store list. I’m eating my leftovers, which are yummy too and looking forward to a week or so from now when leftovers become my new lunch habit.
Today, I don’t have all the answers, but I have a start and the will to try. Another thing I have is time to get it right, and well, if time is up for me tomorrow then I did my best and someone else can pick up where I left off. That’s what counts. We may be a little off balance, but we can always recover if we are willing to try.