I’m going to get frank here a minute. I’m a very private person, but when it comes to writing things down I experience a freedom of expression I get no where else. I can be summed up in one word – introverted. That’s me… I’m “in”. I don’t start conversations in real life, or I at least I have to work up the courage to do so and have a dang good reason, but there is something about the written word that lets me lay all my inner thoughts down unapologetically. I’ll air my innermost business to those who read. Whether that is a good thing or not, it is what I am about to do now.
There’s something wrong with me. I should be utterly happy and joyful, but I’m not. I am blessed with all my direct needs met and most of my wants right in front of me. I asked for two children and I have them. I have the greatest husband who is also my best friend. I have been able to move home to my mountains to raise my children in a comfortable place where I feel at home. My surroundings are glorious. Waking each day to these hills and my yard cannot be replaced by anything else in this world. Yet, in my day to day I find myself stressed, rage filled, and down. I could be being hard on myself. My people are known for that, but I think my feelings are needless and selfish.
I’m trying to find the source of my problem. I know at least part of it is something is off with me hormonally. My bloodwork points to thyroid troubles. My spiritual life is lacking. I’m motivated almost to an extreme. My responsibilities are all ones that I want, but I can’t keep up. I’m not sure how to help myself because to admit any kind of weakness is so against my character. It would be a huge step for me.
My Responsibilities:
1. wife and mother of 2 under 4
2. housecleaning
3. cooking
4. tending the garden
5. tending the chickens
6. writing everyday (blogging/noveling or both)
7. exercise (5 days a week)
I look at that and think… That’s not much at all. What am I? Why can’t I get it done? I see my time with the girls being stifled, stress filled, and I’m unengaged. My house is a wreck most of the time. I keep up with kitchen duties and laundry. The rest is not looking so good. I love my outdoor chores. I manage them. They make me feel solitary, useful, and quiet. I’d much rather do them than anything I do in the house. I keep up well with this blog and I enjoy it. Blogging is instant gratification for a writer when you can look and see how many people are reading what you wrote whether it is 1 or 80. I want more writing time. I want to be a successful writer. I want to help my husband not to have to work so endlessly to provide us with the simplest things. Then, the exercise. I’m starting to admit to myself that I may not have the best relationship with physical activity. Though if I were to post my schedule it would seem normal, I’m not reacting normally to it physically or emotionally.
I’m motivated all right. No lack of that. I lack in the capacity to be all things to myself and my family all the time. Right now I’m doing a half job in a lot of things and a great job in nothing. No one can expect of themselves more than they are capable of doing, or is it just that I’m not together enough to accomplish it all? I think of my sister with a teenager, eight year old, and a toddler all at once, holding down a job, going to nursing school, and keeping a house, while providing a supper as a family every night. She’s my hero. But, as another mother wrote to me… that’s an invisible yardstick I’m measuring by.
In all of this desire, I am pushing back my spirituality. I’m putting my wants first even before my own good. I’m turning my choices into The Creator’s choices for me… or am I? Maybe it is the timing thing. I’m neglecting my spiritual life, but then adding formal spirituality adds another responsibility. I should re-prioritize.
So, yes, I’m coo-coo for cocoa puffs. It comes up every now and again. I am looking more and more to what comes naturally for help. First my God and the purpose for my life. Then, the natural ebb and flow of things… food, work, raising children… How do I let things come and go freely in their own time and still accomplish things? Is it okay to slow down, or is that being lazy? I’ve got to find a happy medium.
The rhythm I tried, which was really a schedule, has went the way of the dodo. I need a plan. I need control of my emotions. I need rest… I so need rest.
Continue reading this week to see how things can come full circle without great effort. Sometimes the answers find their way to us whether we actively seek them or not. 😉
9 comments
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June 14, 2009 at 7:37 pm
Deb
You listed your responsibilities and then said it wasn’t much! No one could complete all that in a day! You have two very young children who need a lot of care. It’s amazing if you can do anything else on that list after tending to your children. Something has to give and for me also, I let my house go. But I stopped being stressed about it. I can only do so much. Now your thyroid, that’s another issue and it needs to be taken care of. It’s too, too important to neglect. It can definitely affect your sense of well-being plus a lot of other things. And spiritually–well, don’t neglect your main source of joy and strength! Okay, enough advice from an old mom.
June 14, 2009 at 9:20 pm
Connie
First, I do think you’re being too hard on yourself. Life is going to take many different turns and we need to do our best to relax and make the turns as best we can.
Next, one thing that sounds a siren for me is the fact that you have 2 children under 4. Postpartum depression is very real and can happen for quite some time after a birth. I would not rule this out just yet.
As an older mom, I would stress that things do not need to be perfect in your house, yard or garden! All too quickly the years will go by and your children and husband won’t remember all those things. Your times together just enjoying life together will be what is important. By all means, keep things tidy but–it doesn’t need to look like a magazine!
Your spiritual life is of utmost importance Without sweet communion with God we won’t be able to be even what we’d like to be, much less what our family needs us to be. A sweet, loving, faithful momma and wife.
I really hope you find a place of rest! Take care of the spiritual AND the physical.
June 14, 2009 at 11:12 pm
Annita
I could have written your post (except for the exercise, I don’t even attempt that). I am slowly trying to figure all of this out for myself, but I can relate so well to everything that you wrote. I have a wonderful husband, I get to stay home with my babies everyday, I get the chance to pursue my writing, we have what we need and yet…where is the joy? I don’t know. One thing I have discovered, I need, crave, must have time to myself in order to function well, so I’m trying to discover ways to make that happen. Also, time alone with God is a must. I don’t do it anymore like I should, but I am making a new commitment to make that time a priority. It can all be so frustrating!
June 15, 2009 at 1:45 am
breedermama
I think everyone deals with this. You are not alone, I too (as you know) am struggling with my responsibilities. Sometimes it just overwhelms me and then somehow I find a way and it gets better (at least for awhile). Ebb and flow, inhale and exhale. I am such a big believer in rhythm and although not the most devoted follower.
I can not stick to a daily routine. (like a routine that we follow each day) but I try to do the outbreathing/inbreathing thing that Waldorf does. Activity then rest. So in order to accomplish that I will do a morning activity with the kids, then allow quiet play/reading time while I write or meditate, then we are back up and busy doing housework, then back down for nap/quiet time while I do some yoga, then back up for outdoor work (if weather permits) when I let them dig in a patch of dirt or run about while I garden, then back down again.
I just concentrate on the Up/Down instead of a ‘schedule’ and that’s a lot easier to accomplish.
Hang in there, mama. I will of course be keeping up and checking for the full circle that is sure to come.
June 15, 2009 at 3:29 am
meorthethoughtofme
I think a lot of people struggle with this. I hope you are able to find some balance soon.
June 15, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Don
It was good to hear your readings at Seedtime. Good stuff.
The word I hear for me, in this regard, comes from Matthew 6:33…. Seek first the kingdom of God and everything else will work out fine…. another one, from Proverbs: Commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established.
Simple, but not easy.
June 15, 2009 at 2:14 pm
eastkentuckygal
Thank you all for advice. I take advice seriously, and you’ve given me some good things to work from. Something does have to give and my priorities have been so skewed lately, or at least overwhelming to me. I am starting to see the bigger picture. What has gotten in my way… once again… is my impatience. This weekend was a big eye opener for me. I’ll post about it tonight.
Deb – Going to the doc in the morning. There is too much bad history of thyroid issues in the family for me to let it go. As much as I distrust western medicine. 😉
June 16, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Fun Mama - Deanna
I could write this post, too. I get so overwhelmed with all I have to do, and all that I want to do. I read something yesterday that made me think, and might help you too. Don’t measure yourself by what others are doing. You can’t see everything that is going on with other people, and there’s a good chance that someone else could be looking at you and wondering “Why I can’t I do things like her?” Everyone has her own cross to bear and her own definition of success.
June 17, 2009 at 7:37 pm
Tori
There is a time and a season for everything. I, too, find myself frustrated over accomplishing “too little” in a given day of the things that need to be done. However, I have 3 daughters (7mo nursling, 2.5 yr, and 5 yr) and this season of my life really needs to be for taking care of me so I can give it all to them! Everything else (with my Spiritual nourishment being part of what MUST happen so I can be full to feed them) is secondary and even sort of icing on the cake.
Don’t you think?