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Okay folks.  I’m totally cracking up at myself today.  I wrote this in a fog last night.  Basically, thinking out loud.  I pondered enough, I brought myself right out of the fog.  Or, I could blame it on the full moon.  That’s what we did when I was teaching.  The day before the full moon the atmosphere would completely change in the hallways between classes.  Us teachers would discuss it and hang on tight.  Anyway, I hope you get a laugh out of it if nothing else.  You will see a plain ol’ mama making an amateur attempt at being a theologist, psychologist, and philosopher all while trying to think about homesteading projects and old songs that stick with you and feel like family.

Some days, weeks, months, or years seem to catch us off guard and make us feel like all that we have worked towards has been forgotten and we are moving backwards on our path.  I remember feeling this way after losing a bunch of weight right after I got married only to look at myself four years later with it all back on, thinking how did that happen after I worked so hard.  The last three days have been that way for me.  Well, everything wasn’t totally lost, but I found that familiar feeling of nervous tension and being dissatisfied creep in.  That really bothers me.  Scares me almost.

I don’t know where it is coming from other than maybe being tired, not getting to rest in savasana after my yoga sessions without being interrupted, or (as I have been told since childhood) the plain old devil.  Folks have always said that when you start getting things right, getting to where you can really help yourself and others, and be of a real service to God, that the devil creeps in and starts picking at you.  I don’t know if I would choose to call it the devil, maybe old habits lingering when you haven’t fully grounded yourself in newer, better habits.  Or, if you are still in process of learning a new lesson or finding an answer and you are hit by some stress like ill health, fatigue, too much work, losing a friend or family member, you automatically fall into those old familiar patterns.  Or… it could be the devil.  Jesus was tempted when he was in the wilderness for 40 days preparing for his ministry.  He was about to change the world and the devil had to get at him to see if he had a chance to win him over.

My gosh, as I am sitting here writing, I’m kind of thinking that the reason I am struggling this week is because I’m on to something.  I’m about to really take it to the next level, to truly begin to heal my mind, body, and spirit and use that to mother my girls from a place of peace, and maybe that nagging, hanger on is the id.    Okay, enough complaining and waxing philosophical.

Let’s talk weather. 🙂  It’s been gorgeous here, not above the seventies, and blue skies.  Our new little chicken flock has settled in nicely.  They are much tamer than our last ones.  I believe these are some kind of bantam.  I will post pictures soon.  They have inspired us to acquire more to total six hens and three roosters.  Now, I’m thinking a billy and a nanny goat would be a glorious addition to our backyard.  Hmmm…

And now, a song.  It’s always good to hear a classically good song when things are out of sorts.  It brings you back.  Please, overlook the psychedelic video.  Close your eyes and experience the song instead.


About Me

An Appalachian woman born and raised, mothering two little girls in a place that is non-existent to AT&T or UPS. Happily working toward a sustainable lifestyle and writing on the demand of a loud muse.

September 2009

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