It is very tempting to make this my last post. It has been a year. I’ve blogged for a whole year! At the same time, I feel like life is changing for me. A period is ending and another beginning. Seasons are literal things.
This week Betsy, with the Appalachian Cultural Project, spent Sunday through Wednesday with us off and on. It made me a little nervous being as private and backward as I am – often socially inept. Honestly, I’m a bit exhausted just from thinking about the whole experience. I’m sure Betsy is as well. I talked her leg off. I tried to explain everything thoroughly. I feared portrayal through a lens that didn’t understand our reasons. Betsy was respectful, and always asked if a subject matter might be questionable. Really, what was there to fear? Judgment comes whether we ask for it or not, and those who get their kicks from judging will do so despite our efforts to help them see beyond limitations.
It is hard sometimes being Appalachian. It is hard being Appalachian and then still not fitting into any of the neat compartments within that term. My whole life, when in contact with outsiders I’ve dealt with my speaking being corrected, asked if we have electricity, indoor toilets, and if we wear shoes at home. I’ve heard people within our own home state say to others… “We’re from ______, the civilized part of the state.” I’ve seen people’s perception of me change as soon as I open my mouth. I’m a student of English literature. In fact, I hold two degrees in that area, one of them being a graduate degree. I don’t need correcting. I know the proper pronunciation of the speech I choose. If I did not, I would ask, admit to not knowing, or not use the word. I also am not ashamed of where I am from. I make no apologies to that extent.
Then, there is my identity within the identity. We live in our tiny cabin. Right now, the plan is to homeschool. We don’t have cable or satelite TV. I don’t have a cell phone, though I could use one. We try to avoid fast food. We play banjos, fiddles, and flat foot in the mornings. We love our families, and weave our ideas in and out amongst theirs. Gardening is a huge goal. We want goats, and by cracky, those hens better start laying eggs soon, or they could end up on the plate. None of these choices are to set ourselves apart from others,or to judge other choices. It is only listening to our heart. What is right for me is right for me, and if it isn’t I’ll change.
I can no longer call our homeschool choice Waldorf. We are surely Waldorf inspired, but we are eclectic. Come fall, Deladis will be learning her letters and simple numbers, along with long hours outside, art projects, her dance, and lots of music. Delaying academics for her isn’t fitting in the flow of things. She’s ready and asking. I won’t try any more to fit a mold.
I won’t try to have a perfect yoga practice, or a perfect devotional period everyday. I will have my practice and devotional everyday possible, listening to my needs and the urgings of my Creator.
I will continue to work hard at my new callings. I will continue to learn and be taught. I will try my best to listen to Truth and my intuition instead of ignoring it and second guessing. I will do my personal best in all my pursuits. I will love the people of my region and do all I can to offer myself as they/we need. I will love those outside of my region and listen to their issues and share ours with them.
So, as I explained to Betsy why we have a busted fridge on our patio, and why there is a pile of scrap in the side yard. As I exhausted myself making apologies for my lack of home organization and the sulfur orange stains in our tub, toilet, and sinks from tainted well water, I learned something. It doesn’t matter. There is a story behind us all. All of us. My job is to protect and love my family, the integrity of the services I am now offering to pregnant mamas and their families, and to understand as best I can that “the sun shines on everyone. It doesn’t make choices.” (Snatam Kaur) This won’t be my last post.
The picture CD I got from Betsy didn’t work in my PC. 😦 Hopefully, I will be able to share some of them with you soon. It also looks like that as of now, none of our pictures have made it to the ACP website. You should look at the gorgeous pictures that are there though. Betsy does have two up on her blog if you would like to see them.
15 comments
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March 12, 2010 at 5:08 pm
kay
i’m thrilled that this won’t be your last post. i’m a country girl at heart who lives in the city. i love following your life. i love the cabin, the hills, the chickens who won’t lay eggs, the unorganized home, the photos of your darling daughters, the simplicity of your life(at least less crazy than mine). thanks for sharing it!!! now go and make those chicken lay eggs, i don’t want them being your dinner!
March 13, 2010 at 1:52 am
eastkentuckygal
Thanks Kay! I took your advice and dropped the PJs while she was here. hehe I felt a little better that way. 🙂 You won’t believe it, but one of our free ranging hens laid an egg today and then left it. I thought she might set it because she has been mated, so I wanted to leave it alone. We walked down the holler and came back and it was gone! That fast some critter got it. That fast!
March 12, 2010 at 6:54 pm
Betty
You know, honey, we live in the Ozarks. While the area I live in is nowhere near as primitive as your area seems to be, all my life (I’m a lifelong resident) I’ve heard the same song and dance from others…the same “Do you wear shoes?” and “Does everyone there have outdoor toilets?” Until Silver Dollar City made Branson a hot tourist spot and people actually came and saw that Real People lived in the Ozarks and we didn’t all smoke corncob pipes and lie around on piles of hay I was treated in the same way you describe in spite of a very good education and a very successful career as a librarian, news editor and free-lance writer. I have a feeling if you asked a Texan, an ‘Okie’, and any number of others, you wouldn’t feel as if you were unusual. Personally, I enjoy my unique qualities, my home and my Ozark hills. I wouldn’t trade my background for any other in the whole world and I’ve been a number of places in my seventy plus years. So don’t worry what others think. Just be cool and enjoy your kids and your interests and your home. In the long run you’ll be glad you did. I promise.
March 13, 2010 at 1:46 am
eastkentuckygal
Thanks Betty, you are right. The sooner we learn what you are saying the less stressful life will be. Thanks for commenting.
March 12, 2010 at 8:22 pm
Stephanie Broersma
I can well imagine being exhausted after having someone in my home observing me for several days. I guess that goes with being introverted.
I am an “outsider”, but I continue to be amazed that people make such rude and uneducated comments about Appalachian folks. But I agree with the previous comment: no matter where you are from, there are stereotypes. I think it’s kind of fun to compare customs, dialects, etc.
I’m glad you will continue your blog. I enjoy reading it!
March 13, 2010 at 1:50 am
eastkentuckygal
Thanks Stephanie. It is true. Every place has stereotypes. Every place. I love comparing customs culture. I have a specialty in my teaching degree for Social Studies and other than my creative writing minor, my other biggest class load was history. I love it.
I don’t know where things will go from here with the blog. I need to go back and look over our year. We’ll see what happens. Thanks for reading and commenting. 🙂
March 13, 2010 at 7:12 pm
meorthethoughtofme
Thank you for a beautiful post Kelli. I often find myself apologizing for things that are either beyond my control or due to choices we make for ourselves that feel right to us. I too have realized that I have to stop apologizing for being “me”.
I will be so happy to continue to read your writing. You have shared so much wisdom and truth and ideas and thoughts that resonate with me so much. I would surely miss it.
March 13, 2010 at 10:41 pm
Rachel
I grew up in Cincinnati (although I’ve got roots in Eastern KY–My mom’s a descendant of Hezekiah Sellards), and a little over 5 years ago moved to a small town in Eastern South Dakota. I still get comments from the folks back home about whether or not we have running water, or phone lines that are more than 2 tin cans strung together, and if the railroad’s made it through our town yet. The stereotypes are all the same in their ignorance.
March 14, 2010 at 3:32 pm
Tipper
Well said! I feel much the same way you do-about my place in Appalachia-sometimes I wish I could have figured it all out when I was younger. My hope now-is that mothers like me and you can make sure our daughters do figure it out before they are grown.
March 15, 2010 at 2:22 am
Fun Mama - Deanna
I’m glad this won’t be your last post. I’m sure it was stressful to have someone observe you in your home. I can’t even imagine. I grew up in a rural area south of Atlanta, and I can empathize with the things that are said to you, although I don’t think I’ve heard anything as bad. I enjoy reading your blog so much – it makes me sad to think of you stopping!
March 16, 2010 at 4:54 pm
Deb
I’m so happy you’re going to continue blogging! I really enjoy reading about you and your little family.
March 17, 2010 at 7:42 pm
lesleehorner
I haven’t been by in a while and this is a wonderful post to read as my first visit in some time. You are such a beautiful soul and it shines through in your writing and I’m sure it does in everything else you do. I am so blessed to have found you in this online world (even if I’m not good at keeping in touch). I have a book on my dresser that I want to send you. It has an amazing essay that you would enjoy reading and may even like to pass on to those mommies-to-be you’ll be working with. Email me with your address again..
March 17, 2010 at 11:01 pm
Carrie
Oh please don’t stop blogging! I’ll consider a friend LOST. I really enjoy reading about how you are making your way in our world.
Being southern, Georgian and in the mountains, I get all kinds of comments. AND I don’t think I’m that country! It must be the chickens and deer hunting and old country music preference….maybe. 😉
March 22, 2010 at 7:57 pm
Lora
Yay! I’m glad this isn’t your last post. I love keeping up with you on here. I thought the photos the student took were really nice, but I’m sure it was exhausting having someone document you all day long!
March 23, 2010 at 2:53 am
eastkentuckygal
They are great! I can’t wait to see the rest of them and share them here.