I’m going through one of those times again when thoughts aren’t rational and I am making myself anxious over silly things, one being social media. Nothing real and nothing important to my life, work, or relationships. Why? Who knows. But, it is those times when we discover where we’ve been clinging to the wrong things, and trying to fit ourselves through openings we weren’t meant to pass through. Where instead of listening we’ve been pushing. Instead of waiting we’ve been putting the pedal to the metal and grinding our wheels only to see we’ve moved but a few inches. We would have moved those inches without the wheel spinning.
I’m pulling back once again, and I’m going to try so hard to wait for that still small voice before making any steps forward, even if that means waiting months and years. I’m going to do the small things that count for big things, and leave the big things that count for not much alone. My girls need me fully present mentally. My husband needs me. I need me not to scatter hopes in a million directions searching for some kind of satisfaction that I’m not even sure I would recognize when I received it. I’d probably call it something else and continue the struggle.
I hope to be back here more often recording the progress of little things. Really little things. Seconds of moments. Living now, my life. Not my past life, my future life, but the only life I have – my present life.
There is no need to run outside
For better seeing,
Nor to peer from a window. Rather abide
At the center of your being;
For the more you leave it, the less you learn.
The kingdom of God is within you.
– Jesus of Nazareth
In the meantime, meet our newest addition to the family. Goldie, a 2 month old mixed breed female found stray.