When things don’t feel quite right, we make adjustments. I have never been a go with the flow kind of gal. I have always wished I were. I get nervous if I feel like I might not reach an event or meeting within plenty of time to get comfortable. So much so, that I am sometimes as much as 20 minutes early for things. When my “routine” is interrupted, and I feel like something is getting left out of my day, I tend to feel dis-ease. When John sits in my seat at the kitchen table, it bugs me to death. I can sit in uncomfortableness and brood, or I can adjust. I have chosen to adjust.
The blue moon of Kentucky is no longer making me blue. I am now getting up at 6:30am to practice yoga and read a little before John and the girls are awake. I am amazed about how much it feels like it adds time to my day. I’ve not been trying to make Ivy nap. She slept about 45 minutes today on her own on the couch. I’m still exhausted, but feeling much more at ease. Waking at 6:30am is very hard for me. Our bed sleeps horribly, and my arms fall asleep at night and I have shoulder pain, so I don’t rest much. However, in a way it makes it easier to get on up. Our rooster is crowing his head off by that time anyway. So much of how we feel/react to things is a decision. I don’t think it is always a conscious one, but nevertheless, it is a decision.
I really think that most often we are hindered by our own blockages or walls. I have never been the mother that could pull out of the moment to figure out a less stressful way to deal with a situation. I’ve always been the mother looking back and hoping that one day I’d be the mindful mother. I think one day I will. One day soon. More often than not.