2010 proved to be a very trying year for us.  I was almost glad to see it go.  2011 has already proved to bring with it great change.  Not only in our lifestyle and goals, but for me – my very being.  The end of 2010 had us reconsidering everything.  Our bank account was hacked and we lost all our money.  Ivy got really sick, and we found out we had E.Coli in our drinking water and coliforms in our well water.  Ivy is still dealing with stomach issues because of that.  I am taking the girls to my mother’s or John’s mother’s for their baths, and we are drinking store bought water now.  We re-evaluated our money making efforts, and had made a plan when the Lord blessed us both with new more regular jobs!  Mine being one I can do mostly from home.

It has been really hard promoting my birth work in that it takes great, constant effort.  I get tired of the promoting part.  I love the work, and am working on some decisions to make things a bit more clear for me goals wise.  I have been so absorbed in getting my name out there, that I didn’t expect at all getting my first two (what I would consider larger scale) publications back to back earlier this year!  It was an awesome surprise.  It blessed my heart immensely.

So, what I am trying to say is… it is a time of cleaning out.  Before I briefly ended the blog last summer, I had began a post called Wake Up and Prioritize.  I don’t think I ever really did that then, and I forgot that realization all together, making summer a struggle for me.  I’ve come back around now, and I think I’m at a place where I can actually act on that realization.

I’m looking at things with fresh eyes.  Doing a lot of reading of some good philosophical and spiritual texts.  I am learning what isn’t serving me or my family.  Sometimes it is hard to let go of activities that you have pursued with great momentum.  When I left the blog, I thought I’d spend less time on the computer – I spent more.  It was mostly researching for my work and trying online advertising like – Facebook.  Since being more active on Facebook, I have had trouble with mental chatter (though I know Facebook isn’t the only reason, and probably not the biggest).  It’s kind of like the news feed on Facebook, except through my mind and my own thoughts (well, that’s arguable too… 🙂 ).  I don’t know really how well being on Facebook has benefited me personally – business wise maybe somewhat, though I do value some of the business things/connections I do/have there greatly.  A Facebook friend shared this link not too long ago – 30 Day Facebook Fast.  I just read it today, and he makes some really, really good points.  I had been thinking of pulling back before I read this, but I’m pretty sure I will now from my personal page.  I will keep up with my business page and another responsibility, and see what changes.  Then, I’ll look closer at any benefits having a regular business presence there has, and go from there.

I’m looking at this because balancing homelife (mothering, housekeeping, homesteading, and homeschooling) with a career life (birth business, advocacy, and writing) is hard.  It is hard to prioritize those things.  On one hand, you want to say homelife always comes first.  On the other, if I don’t work very hard at the career life we might get wiped out again financially and with no health insurance, and some debt, that is not something that you easily recover from.  Plus, I do like my “career” life.  I think my work is important work.  Something that brings fulfillment and enjoyment.  That’s what I’ve always said is important when thinking about what you will do as a job the rest of your life.  Not, how much money you can make.  Then, my children will only be children once.  My biggest responsibility is to them, their well-being (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) and their livelihood.  I love them, and they deserve the best of me.  I then come to the answer – a perfect balance. 

Our lifestyle is a bit unique, but it fits John and I.  We’ve never “conformed” all that well, and finding our place and what we can contribute has been a journey we’ve enjoyed.  I’m thankful that I still live a life that leaves room to explore, begin new things, to change.  I’m not stuck in any place.

So, on top of reconsidering the benefits of Facebook, I’ve been doing other things.  Once again, cleaning out the cabin – except this time in a more drastic way.  If we haven’t used it in a few years, or if it isn’t an heirloom – it’s out.  Not selling, not trying to find homes for things, but just sending them away to a place where if someone needs them they can be obtained for free.  I’m also writing out daily/weekly goals.  Reading the Bible in a year.  Recommiting to my role as wife and mother, and looking at what I hope for my birth work with self respect, needs of women, and the needs of my community in mind.  For my work, that might mean changes in form or approach.  For my mothering that means working hard to be fully present in the now.  I’m feeling relieved.  I think that is why I came back here.  This is a thoughtful place.

Advertisements