Not in his goals, but in his transitions is man great.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
This is the hardest transition between seasons I think I have ever experienced. Honestly, it is wearing me out. Yesterday, it was around 76 degrees. I was in shorts, babysitting my nephews, skipping rocks in the creek, and picnicking. Today, it is going from blue sky to dark gray before it pours rain or spits of hail. It is about 35 – 40 degrees. The wind is blowing heavily like it is trying too hard to clear something away. Something that just doesn’t want to budge.
My life is transitioning right now too. To what, I’m not exactly sure. My soul is ready, but my mind is hanging on. Nervous to release old patterns of thought. Getting disappointed over the same old things like we haven’t learned that lesson already. Like it matters at all, really. Coming back to this blog was part of this transition. A space to not promote anything. A space that is not a business. A space where being “professional” isn’t necessary. A space just to be me.
Yet, I think that is what all areas of my life is craving. Just for me to be me and not to worry about what that means to other people. We are all lit off the same spark, anyway. Either it is meant for my path to cross yours or it isn’t. I believe my Creator is in control regardless of what appears to be real. Therefore, to worry over future, or results, or how someone feels about something I’ve written, a fact I share, or an opinion I hold (until someone cares to try to change my mind :)), is not important. In fact, it is wasted energy. Why haven’t I completely accepted that into my reality. That is fact. I know this to be Truth.
I’m working on relaxing and I’m not doing all that horrible with it. I’m focusing on whatever presents in my day, my girls. I should probably look a little more at housecleaning (always). The rest (or unrest) – the waiting to hear if a piece I was asked to write has been accepted, waiting to have my first online client (Birth True Childbirth Education – Online Classes), the wondering what I should best do next, I’m trying to not consider as much. Some days are better than others.
I took a course recently called Birth Heaven Now! through a great woman named, Stephanie Dawn, as a training for my childbirth education/doula work, and really enjoyed everything about it. So much of what I learned through that course applies to my entire life and not just my work. The focus on balance. How can I give anyone my best if I am not caring for myself? If I am worrying? If I am working too hard, or struggling through something that really isn’t a fit? It is true for everything. One of the topics being excellent self-care. I’ve been doing ok with that. I’ve come to realize how caring for myself too can change everything about everything.
What? know you not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which you have of God, and you are not your own? – 1 Corinthian 6:19
Yet, again, there is that nagging of the old “self” rushing through my me time – contemplating my day, my week, my year, conversations I’ve had, conversations I plan to have, things I hope to do, things I have done. I’m in transition. I’m leaving that all behind. Transitions take time. And yet, what is time?
If what Emerson says is true, then I’m not waiting out a transition to see new life bloom on the other side. Life is now. Right now. Right now in whatever it brings can be great. Not me. Not you. Us. I am. We are. And not great in the sense that we feel accomplished, or we got published, or our child was actually able to identify his/her numbers passed 10 today, but great because of who we are. We are children of the Divine.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” -Marianne Williamson
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. -Romans 8:28