I vaguely remember being aware of this show “thirtysomething” that ran from 1987-1991 as a kid.
I’d love to be able to watch it now. All my life, I thought that when I reached my thirties I would have become comfortable in my skin, and be able to just live through the ups and downs without worrying about trying to discover myself. Almost 3 years into my thirties, I have found that this is not the truth. In fact, I sometimes feel as if I’ve lost bits of myself that were/are really, really important.
It seems like Oprah or somebody said that 50 is the new 30. I sure hope I don’t have nearly 20 more years before I’m settled in who I am and am supposed to be in this world. Lord help me if that’s true.
I haven’t been writing here much because, honestly, so much has changed. I don’t want to disappoint my readership. There is no garden to report about. No exciting adventures for the summer. I haven’t been hiking this year. It’s simply the daily grind, and I’m struggling even with that. I’m searching. I’m in search party mode. Flashlights out. Calling… calling a name with no answer… not giving up. I won’t sleep until I’m found.
I am very much enjoying my work and the folks I’m working with. It is a light in this time, and I think its important work. I’m pretty dedicated to it. John is opening a tattoo parlor and fine art gallery on Main St. in Whitesburg beginning tomorrow! That’s exciting.
Otherwise… everything is up in the air. I’m wondering when I am able to break the surface and reach that air, who I will be. I’m wondering if I will be brave enough to write about it here.
A Mountain Mama - East Kentucky Gal 
5 comments
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June 28, 2011 at 5:52 pm
Sara Evans
Hi, I read your blog occasionally, I love that you write from the heart and do not try to sugar-coat life. It’s funny that I happened to come here today, because I am at a similar point in my life! I am 33 and am still coming to terms with my life as a mother, partner and individual. I too have no garden this year, which is different from years past. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.
June 28, 2011 at 9:05 pm
Kelli
Thanks Sara!
June 30, 2011 at 1:26 am
Majal
Hi Kelli!
I have been reading your blog since I discovered it over a year and a half ago. I just wanted to let you know that what you have to say always resonates with me, and I find myself often aspiring to be more like you in many ways! I’m not married yet, nor do I have any children, but I find the lifestyle you live to be one that I am very much trying to attain, too. I love the idea of homesteading, of being in touch with whatever it is that makes us all a woman, and feel very proud and comfortable in that skin, too.
Anyways, in all this rambling, I guess I am just trying to say that maybe you’ve already found yourself/arrived! 🙂 Also, I wanted to say congrats on being published recently! I saw that come across facebook and I read your story online. It was so so great!
Best wishes!
Majal
July 2, 2011 at 5:54 pm
Kelli
Majal,
I’ve arrived where I am, but I don’t think I’ve arrived in the since you mean. I’m so glad you enjoy the blog. That means alot. There are lots of things I love about our life. I’m about to write about it now actually, but I also feel like I’m overwhelmed by this sense that something just ain’t right. It ain’t right because I’m an odd piece in the puzzle. I’ll get it figured out though. I love life too much not to. 🙂
December 1, 2011 at 2:17 am
Ozark Mountain Family
I have been where you are in many ways. We do grow older and wiser, it comes with maturity. The trick is to do it with grace. Life isn’t rolling with the punches, life is determining what type of person you want to be and then become that person. It is a choice, not a reaction. What do you think it takes to be a good mother? Why do you think you aren’t succeeding in certain areas and are you really not succeeding in those areas or are you not giving yourself enough credit? What are your strengths and what are your weaknesses? How do you learn best? Interestingly enough, discovering how my daughter learned best, taught me how I learned best. Setting limits and saying no is powerful. Being true, honorable and respectful to your husband is powerful. The hardest thing I had to learn was that I am not my husband’s conscience, I am his helper. Once I learned that, I have been at peace with myself and everyone else. Do not let the world dictate to you, who you are. Trust your own God given intuition. This seems to be your period to rest and to listen for what comes next.
If you are emotionally supporting your husband, homeschooling your child and keeping the home, there is no greater calling. Take charge of your thoughts, do not let your mind wander into areas that tell you that what you are doing is trivial. You are the hand that rocks the cradle, never forget it.