She’s 2

Today is a rainy Monday in the mountains.  It’s been sweet though.  I just got word that the first baby born whose parents completed my childbirth class series was born!  The birth went wonderfully and mom and babe are doing great!  This makes me smile no matter how hard it rains.

Birth for me is the biggest miracle.  In everything pregnancy, labor, and birth is, you can’t deny that it is miraculous.  I don’t care if you are the most spiritual person in the world, or think spirituality is a crock, I believe everyone agrees that the act of birth is amazing.

It was about 40 minutes ago today, two years ago that my water broke in Karma Cafe on busy Bardstown Rd. in Louisville, Kentucky while I waited with John and Deladis for our dinner and my journey to my Ivy began.  She was born on the 28th at 2:12am chubby and red with a head full of black hair and fuzzy ear lobes.

I loved being pregnant.  I loved my large, hard, round belly.  I loved waiting for her and not knowing if she was a boy or girl.  I loved labor.  The ebbs and flows, as hard as some of the waves were to ride.  To hold her was real rest.  To nurse her was completion of a life cycle.  To be her mother is a gift.  Pregnancy and birth is a true gift.

Four Years Old

It’s hard to believe that it has been four years since I was that confident, pregnant school teacher waiting for her miracle to be born.  I had all the faith in the world that everything would be right, and though the experience of my first birth left me physically and mentally scarred, things were just right.  The little miracle born that day has taught me so very much about myself and the world.  It pinches somewhere deep inside that these four years have passed so quickly.  I know the coming years will race by me with equal speed.  Before I know it, I will be looking into the face of a woman.  A woman that I raised from the very beginning.  Some things I will do and have done very right, and other things I will do and have done very wrong, but right or wrong isn’t the point of it all.  The point is always our motives.  I’m motivate by truth and love.  I love you Deladis.  Happy Birthday and God Bless you my little one.

10 months old

15 months old

18 months old

Almost Three

Four

Upcoming Party

I have had a bum couple of days.  I’m feeling out of balance and forgetting things like passwords to my email and bank account – things I use almost daily.  Hormones or something is amiss with me, but I’m pushing onward.  I am trying to prepare for the birthday celebration that I am having for Deladis on Saturday.  Her fourth birthday is coming up, and I want our friends and family to celebrate it here with us.  We don’t get many visitors, even family members, because of the creek being the road.  I always hold an open invitation though.  I’m looking forward to them all having a good reason to come see our place.

With that comes the food and home preparation.  I am preparing a “real” foods menu, including the cake and beverages.  I wholly believe on the benefits of eating a diet based on whole, traditionally prepared foods and I want to share a meal prepared in that way with those I love.  I’m hoping it initiates some conversation and thought as well.  I am trying so hard to keep up with the housework.  It is a never ending thing with two little people following you around and undoing all that you just did.  I’ve decided I’ll give it a good cleaning on Friday, and then spot check until the party.  I know to some of the people we love and who love us immensely, our lifestyle is a bit odd as is our choices.  I’m hoping coming into our world to celebrate the birth of one of the greatest beings of all time – Deladis – will help them to understand and know we aren’t quite “weird” –  just happily different. 🙂

I enjoy hosting gatherings as much as I am a loner.  I like it when people eat my food, sit on my couch, play in my yard, and sample from my garden.  The party isn’t going to be this big organized event.  The kids will be turned loose to play in the yard and have a big time, while the adults talk and watch them play.  I want the people Deladis loves to be there.  I’ve asked for no gifts, or for those who would like to bring something I’ve given specific ideas.  It’s going to be good.

I ordered our gifts to Deladis from Etsy – the Ebay type site for handmade items.  One day I let Deladis look through the various toys and choose the things that interested her the most.  In the final pick, she chose wooden super heroes and a sweet little lamb.  I can’t wait to give them to her.  I also bought her a kitchen helper’s baking set with cookie cutters in the shape of a horse, dog, and bear at Yoder’s Bulk Foods.  I’ve already given her those, and I hope we get to make some cookies together for her party.

I wish I were having better days on the eve of four years as a mother.  It is hard to find motivation to get things ready when feeling off kilter.  I long to do something, just me and Deladis.  I’ve been remembering when it was long days of only the two of us.  I was such a different mother, then.  A really good one too.

My sister, Ariana came to the mountains today with my neice and nephews.  I’m so looking forward to seeing her and them.  I hope it will bring me back around.

Happy Birthday Ivy Pearl

Today is Ivy Pearl’s birthday.  Actually, 2:12am this morning was.  She is officially 1 year today.  I am officially no longer the mother of an infant.  I approach this day with celebration and trepidation.  I am so happy to have a healthy, rambunctious little girl who is full of fight and fun.  I am excited about her being a toddler.  Even more excited about not having a big birthday bash for her like we tried with Deladis for the last three years.  We are having a simple celebration with just the four of us.  I’m going to make peanut butter balls for an after dinner treat.  We had a chocolate cake that I made at mom’s for them to eat.  Ivy didn’t like cake.

At first she thought it looked like fun!

I am apprehensive about my feelings surrounding her birth.  It was this time last year that my water broke with no labor.  Then, I went through every stage of labor, but didn’t dilate.  It was this time last year that I waited for nearly 2 days to birth triumphantly, and birthed through cesarean a second time.  I am not actively grieving anymore, but I am still full of fire about spreading the word on cesarean births.  I tried a separate blog for that, but it didn’t seem to be working.  I am planning to include a few posts in the next few weeks on the topic here.  I can say that I feel having homebirth as a viable legal option should be a mainstay in every state.  Homebirth midwives are birth heroes in my eyes, and the reason that Ivy’s birth was as good as it was.

I am also sad that I will never have the chance at VBAC again.  It’s not that I want to parent another child, nor is it that I don’t.  I simply don’t believe it is right for me, right now.  I will never know how it feels to birth fully – birth true.  I’ve come to terms with that, but it doesn’t take away the desire to know the feeling.

I look at Ivy today and am happy for her and me.  We came through a year’s journey that was full and fulfilling.  I look at Ivy today and I am glad we are back in our holler, together as a family.  My girls make home a very unlonely place.  I look at Ivy today and I see her potential.  Full of spunk, spark – life.  I wonder what she will be.  I wonder who I will be when I look into a woman’s eyes and see my baby Ivy in there.  Happy Birthday Ivy Pearl.

Ivy Pearl: born 11 pounds – 22 inches (The journey began at 5pm on April 26th and ended at 2:12am April 28th.)

Birthday

Ivy Pearl: Birthday + 1 – 19 pounds and 30 inches