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I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from whence shall my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun will not smite you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul. The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forever.
-Psalm 121
This week has been a rough one, but also one of joy. I was witness to another birth of a baby boy. 🙂 We celebrated Deladis’s fifth birthday (pictures to come), and I received my test results for my bloodwork. I haven’t had a lot of time, and this next week will be busy as well. I’m just trying my best to keep up.
The bloodwork says I have low blood sugar, my adrenals are shot, of course there’s my thyroid, and a few other minor things. The low blood sugar is a shocker. From what I understand it is connected to the function of the adrenals as well. So, one is causing the other, or one is the symptom of the other. I think the adrenals came first. Anyway, I have to see another doctor Wednesday that is about an hour away. I’m supposed to eat every two hours, which is going to be very difficult for me to do. I just don’t get hungry like that. I’m one that eats breakfast at 8am and doesn’t eat again sometimes until 2 or 3pm. I do have this shake stuff to drink in between meals to help regulate my blood sugar, so that will help.
The most depressing thing for me is that I have to be off of dairy for 3 weeks. I didn’t show an allergy, but she expects that I might be having some sensitivity to it because I’m not digesting well. Have I ever mentioned that I love dairy? I truly don’t know what I’m going to eat now. I live off of milk products. Now, this isn’t good from a traditional foods standpoint, because pastuerized and homogenized milk is so tampered with that it is hard for any human being to digest or utilize properly. I don’t have access to raw milk products, and that is one piece of eating traditional foods that I have never been able to adopt. Rather than go without dairy, I just ate conventional dairy. I have been pointed in the direction of the PETA website called Milk Sucks. I suppose I need to check it out. I know conventional dairies are cruel. I know these three weeks won’t kill me, but…. Did I mention I love dairy????
I have been having these episodes of dizziness and such that is related to my blood sugar, and I’m tired. I’m lifting my eyes to the mountains, and pushing onward. Whatever manifests in our body has its beginnings in our inner work. I believe that thoroughly. Healing is a time of inner work as much as it is getting well physically.
I posted a comment on Mama-Om and she was gracious enough to share with me some of her experiences with being a parent and not feeling well. I wanted to share them here. Sometimes I think us mothers tend to hide our pitfalls, and things that aren’t just so. There’s nothing to hide. Mothers are people afterall, and we all have work to do in this life.
Mama-Om:
“You must speak straight so that your words may go as sunlight into our hearts.”
– Cochise (“Like Ironweed”) Chiricahua Chief
I’m going to try to speak straight here and everywhere. We can manipulate language in so many gratifying and harmful ways when we are fluent in it. We can make the truth read/sound a thousand different ways. Sunlight too, comes to us in unique and varying ways. It can be just enough to warm us on a day between fall and winter. It can beat down on us relentlessly with its burden of heat and sweat. When words touch our hearts they feed us – our state of being. They allow us to form opinions, to react emotionally, to prepare for great triumphs or damaging winds. To render ourselves steadfast. Cochise just asked that we talk straight. We talk straight so that our words feed our hearts like sunlight. So that there is fairness all around.
Summer has become that overbearing master once again. Restricting us indoors. The garden is out of control, though still producing well. Peace from the summer sun is hard to find, and you become a worshipper of conveniences like air conditioning. Deladis absolutely hates the summer sun, and though she wants to play outdoors, she cannot. Her skin is really sensitive because of the eczema and she sweats which makes her itch. Her face turns apple red, and then she starts to feel poorly. Ivy is restless from being cooped up like the hen and diddles. She takes an evening run through the living room and into the kitchen, slamming against the door and back again, like clockwork, everyday sometime after dinner. We only have a wall unit a/c and a fan, and we don’t turn it on until about noon everyday, and turn it off again at night. Our cabin is not extremely cool. We try our best to acclimate for summer and winter. We tend to freeze or burn up when we visit our family. But, right now, indoors is the safer place for us. This is the first summer since living at The Confluence that it has been this way. Though I remember many summers like this.
The sun zaps my energy. As a child I tried to play softball, and would end up vomitting on the field because the sun makes me sick. I’m no different now. It’s why I love the mountainside. The shade. The cool breezes. The altitude. What is harder on me this summer is that I’m not well. I’ve been reluctant to post about it here. I am a believer in what you put out into the world is what you will get back. People tend to avoid those that don’t feel well… or pity them too much. I’d rather not deal with either of those things. Writing about it here is more about talking straight. Writing about things being difficult, my patience being short, or my being tired all the time would be just complaints without being honest as to why. I don’t want to complain. And, I’m not trying to feel sorry for myself.
John and I do without some things in order that the girls can have them, or that I can stay home and be the primary caregiver of the girls. One of those things is health insurance. So, I’ve put off seeing a doctor for a detailed workup of my health for sometime. However, we’ve saved and worked it out so that now I can, and I am relieved. I’ve been so angry at the fact that I should be healthier than I have ever been in my life. My lifestyle, my diet, my physical activity are all joyful and healthy. Yet, I feel awful many days. I have horrible headaches that don’t go away, sometimes nagging for days. I’m always tired. It’s a challenge to keep up with my chores. My moods are up and down. I have stomach aches. I’m dizzy…. etc… The doctor says at this point she knows that it is my hormones and my glandular systems that are causing the trouble. Nothing contagious. Nothing that keeps me from doing my best. Tomorrow, I go for a blood draw for something they are calling a whole panel. This will give her a whole picture and then we’ll go from there.
I’m excited at the thought of feeling better. Of restoring my body to proper function. Healing mind, body, and spirit. Wholeness. I know any improvement I experience comes from my Creator, and the journey is of most importance. It is a way to grow. It is to be accepted and worked on from a place of peace. Being able to just go through the outward movements of going to the doctor, getting results, is allowing me to release the anger at the problem. I’m hoping it will help me to be still as well.
I suppose I’ll write some about it here because it will be my focus for sometime. And, as the summer brings other exciting things I’ll have share some of those too. Opportunities are everywhere right now. I don’t know whether to chase them all or pick and choose. 🙂 The Creator will give me the work of my day upon the unfolding of it.
Introducing Little LuLu
Have I ever said that I prefer cats to dogs. This one is a darling.
After every exhilarating experience, is the period of being brought back down. This week has been that for me. I am working diligently to get my first class series on the way, but I am feeling the fatigue of all the mental and physical work that has gone on since the training. I like hard work though, and I am so grateful. A local chiropractor is hosting my first series, and I am so excited! It is a blessing to me, and everything is coming together. I can’t wait to be a “teacher” again!
Otherwise, we have our 5th big snow of the last two months. I have to be honest here and say I am tired of that – beyond tired. I had to get out in it yesterday and take myself to the doctor, which required a little hike to the vehicle. Then, I had to drive 20 miles an hour, which is extremely hard for my wound up self to do. John told me about 50 times to be careful and not rush. I said that I wasn’t setting out to get myself hurt, but to go to the doctor. We laughed.
So, it was no surprise to me that by the time I reached the doctor in the next county, that my blood pressure was a bit elevated, and I had the beginnings of a headache. I have been having these headaches that radiate up the back of my head, and my neck constantly feels stiff. The cold that I have been battling for nine days now hasn’t helped. The doctor said they are tension headaches. I’m not sure from where the tension is coming. I wonder how much of that kind of thing is genetic. If anyone has any ideas, please send them my way. Yeah, I know, you’re thinking – a yogini having a problem with tension, that stuff must not really work. I say, yeah, you’d think, but I’m still “practicing” and it is what relieves me most days. It’s like magic.
The girls have decided that they don’t like snow. Deladis is not happy at the large flakes falling today. She said it’s too cold and she is ready for Spring. Aren’t we all? I’m pulling all the stops to keep them going through the days without too many meltdowns, but the last few have been harrowing. Both of the girls have began their first period of tears shortly after waking the last two mornings. Typically, I don’t have to think about that until the late afternoon.
Today, I pulled the rocking horse out of their bedroom, hoping to help them release some energy.
It helped for about 10 minutes.
Honestly, I don’t think any of us has too much energy left aside from the anxious kind.
This post seems like one big long whine. I’m sorry. I’m just tired. I am also very grateful. I am grateful for the ebb and flow of life, because there is no way we could last through any one period forever without becoming numb. I am grateful for my two little girls and their leaps and bounds everyday. I am grateful for a loving husband and best friend who takes taking care of us very seriously. I am grateful that Spring is on the way and soon I won’t be blowing my nose a hundred times a day. We will be planting a garden, playing on the back patio, and existing in Mother Nature beyond the 900 square feet of cabin.
I’m wonderfully optimistic about the year to come. I think I’m finally coming to an understanding of what it means to let go and let God. To kick off the new year, I have decided to start a series of posts on things we have a right to know about (in fact in many situations our life depends on it), but for whatever reason they are kept “secret” whether through planned secrecy or by tactful exclusion of information.
John and I spent the evening on the couch last night watching our new Netflix arrival – Food, Inc. . I’ve been waiting on this movie since it came out a while back. This film demystifies our current system of industrialized food and the problems that arise from our expectation of fast and cheap food.
It was a little over a year ago now when a prolonged illness of mine prompted me to switch our diet to a traditional foods diet as proposed by The Weston A. Price Foundation and authors like Sally Fallon and Nina Planck. Since then, I have noticed a tremendous change in my health and well being along with that of my husband and children. I have lost and maintained a 100 pound weight loss (though I was already losing weight before changing my eating, I contribute most of it to traditional foods). I have more energy. My gums no longer bleed when I brush or floss my teeth. But, the most noticeable for me is my relationship to food. I no longer fear food making me fat, because I know that what I am choosing to eat is real food and not something fabricated in a factory. I enjoy my food and I eat plenty of it. I’m eating things the diet industry tells us will make us obese and sick – butter, bacon, red meat, and whole fat dairy.
This approach to eating (I don’t call it a “diet” in the terms of how most of us view the word) has changed my life so completely that I can’t help but get excited about sharing it with others. However, all to often I have noticed people don’t want to hear the truth about where their food comes from, and I tend to get tuned out. Instead of accepting that there is a problem here and we are in need of huge change as a society, they continue to eat from the conventional store shelves food that more often than not is some kind of factory made variation of corn or soy bean products and they wonder why they are sick with things like diabetes, cancer, high blood pressure, heart disease, or obesity. Why is that?
The fact of the matter is that we have a right to know where our food comes from and under what conditions it is being processed for our consumption. Our food is life. What we put into our body directly affects how we are able to live our life. However, now that our food supply is being controlled by just a few multi- million (billion) dollar corporations that treat their farmers and factory workers like second class human beings, who don’t care at all about the health of the animals they process for meat, and treat our meat, produce, and dry goods with a variety of chemicals to give them unnatural shelf lives, we are being kept in the dark of food practices that if they were public knowledge would incite the citizens of this country to demand a change.
The truth is that 1 in 3 children in this country born after 2000 will develop diabetes. 1 in 3 children in this country are either considered overweight or obese. Low-income Americans (under $30,000) a year find it hard to afford a healthy diet. This comes along with the idea of fast food being cheap. You now can buy chips for a lesser price than a head of broccoli, and then there are dollar menus at fast food restaurants. The question of food availability also arises. Living in rural Appalachia, I find it extremely difficult to find food I feel is appropriate for my family, and I have to make too many compromises.
Our country is facing an epidemic that is inexcusable. We owe our children a better chance at a healthy life than this. We owe it to ourselves as well. While industrialization has brought about many good changes in our way of life, when its principles are applied to certain more personal areas of our lives, we find we are detrimentally affected by its lack of concern for the greater human good as opposed to the low cost production industry holds so dear. A few profit from the loss of many.
After viewing this film and others like it, I can’t help but encourage others to become informed as well. Know where your food comes from. Know that in one pack of ground beef there is meat from 50-100 cattle. Know that most chickens raised for commercial slaughter for companies like Tyson never see the light of day or feel grass under their feet. In fact, they are lucky to be able to bear their own body weight on their brittle legs. Know that the tomato you are buying that is so pretty and red was shipped to your location in many cases over thousands of miles, and picked while still green. It was ripened chemically. Know this, and decide to change it. There are farmers out there with answers to this problem. We can have normal, affordable, healthy food. We can live without the fear of food related disease. Arm yourself with knowledge. Then, cast your vote for the foods you want every time you choose your purchases at the grocery.
There is quite a bit going on around here right now. Deladis had her first dance recital last night, and she did amazing! She danced all by herself. I’m so proud of her. I had to take Ivy back to the doctor this morning for more medicine and blood draws. I spent most of the rest of the day trying to recoup on the couch. I have so much on my mind and with Ivy not able to sleep well at night, it is leaving me a little foggy. I want to be on the top of my game when I write here, so I’ll make sense at least. I have had to neglect the blog a bit, but I have many posts planned. I should be posting more often real soon.
It has come time for some change in my life and it has become more obvious to me than ever. I have some big plans and some big hope. I can’t wait until I am able to write all about it here. Thank you folks for the well wishes, and hanging in with me. I’ll write a real post soon. 😉
There are those times in all of our lives when it seems like things fall apart one after the other. The Haywoods are experiencing that right now. I wanted to come on today and post something cheery or at the very least poignant. Not possible. I write it as it is – moment by moment and right now it just isn’t flowers and fluffy clouds.
We are all fighting colds. John actually stayed home from teaching music today. That is something he wouldn’t do without a good reason, not even if I think he has a good reason. He is sick. We are all exhausted. Then, yesterday, our refrigerator decides to give out. It took us awhile to notice and by that time we lost a lot of what I had stored in our freezer. 😦 I had stuff that I had stocked up on from our trip to Lexington and Whole Foods some months back.
What saddened me the most are the blackberries that I had picked all summer and hoped to turn into blackberry dumplings had completely thawed and were dripping all over the freezer. The gas company took all my blackberries out with the new road. I was waiting for a special day to celebrate those wild blackberries. I quickly hopped online and posted to my favorite traditional foods forum and soon got a response to make a berry compote. I had flour soaking for pancakes this morning, so that is what I did. Berry compote is good on pancakes.
I had never made it before or had it that I can recall, so I referenced an online recipe and made it my own.
Berry Compote
- Approx. 36 ounces of berries
- 2 tbsps. of butter
- 5 tbsps. of honey
Put everything in a warm skillet and cook down until you have about half the liquid you had in the pan after the initial heating. Refrigerate and enjoy over ice cream, pancakes, or yogurt.
We ate it this morning and it was delicious. I’m sure it did us good with all those antioxidants.
Instead of spending this day to rest, John went out to find a decent used refrigerator. We scored one for $200, and he got it inside after having to take the back door off of the hinges. I feel sorry for him. It’s a two door. I’ve never had one of those before. This isn’t a good time for us to spend extra money either, but it happens I guess.
I’m praying. I’m having some discipline issues too with Deladis. Four is proving to be the hardest age yet for me and my mothering. Discipline is something I have never been good at with young children. Having impatience as your big dragon doesn’t help much either. I’m sifting through that with tears.
Someone really cool once said… “There is always a calm before the storm.” It’s storming now, so that tells me a calm is coming soon. I’m looking for even the smallest patch of blue sky.
This week has been very difficult for me emotionally and physically, though I’m seeing the light. I took Ivy to the doctor today and she has a sinus infection. She has had congestion since before Thanksgiving, so I took the prescription for antibiotics though most doctors in this area don’t do a finger prick to confirm bacteria. It hurts my heart to give her the antibiotic, but I think it is in order. I took her for a chiropractic adjustment as well. She is going to be better soon. She’s playing with Deladis right now.
A week of ups and downs this has been. I think I’m going to have some exciting news to share here soon. I hope so, in one form or another. 🙂 We have had our family portrait made (even with a sick Ivy), and our house is decorated for Christmas. The girls can’t wait.
With all of the girls’ excitement, this holiday is historically hard for both John and I. We strive to make it as simple as possible at home, and there is always that feeling of guilt that we can’t buy things for people like they may buy for us. But, this holiday isn’t about buying things. It’s about unconditional love from one to another.
I made some of the ornaments for the tree with Deladis this week. She had fun, but it was stressful for me as Ivy wasn’t happy. They turned out lovely though, and she is proud of them. When I can, I will get pictures.
I’ve been thinking about gifts for the whole week in one form or another. This week I received two blog awards, which I will share when I have more time for a post. I received a Joel Goldsmith book from another blogger, whom I have never met in person, which was purchased for me. It blessed my heart. I have thought of gifts passed.
Today, I was brought back to my time in the city right before we moved home. Childbirth has been on my mind a lot this week. In April2008, my homebirth attempt at a vaginal birth after a cesarean section turned into a hospital transfer with a repeat surgery. As filled with joy as I was at having a healthy new baby, the surgery broke my heart. Being without many, in real life, mama friends close by has been growing hard for me. Remembering what happened after that surgery makes me long for that even more. A group of women that I had become acquainted with online through our similar parenting beliefs, came together and brought me food for two weeks straight while I healed. It was food made from the heart – homecooked. Cookies, soups, meatballs, chicken, yummy stuff. It was left on my doorstep, delivered in person with a second to chat, and placed in my hands with a hug. That food nourished my in body and soul. It fed my family when I could not. I was left feeling cared for. Now, that was an amazing gift. Christmas gifts should be like this.
Our winter interactive nature table.
Please visit tomorrow’s post at Waiting for the Click, or today’s for that matter. It is a great blog. However, tomorrow I am the featured “click” story. 🙂 I even sent her a nice picture of myself. hehe
Ivy has been sick since Thursday night. Fever and coughing. I’m reluctant to call it the flu as no one else in our house has had those symptoms, but Ivy has been real poorly. After sleepless nights keeping a check on the fever, it was amazing to wake up Saturday morning to see the ground covered in snow and huge chunky flakes falling from the sky. Both of the girls stood at our picture window mesmerized for the longest time.
Because Ivy is so sick, and we didn’t receive the best gravel job on the new road from the gas company, we decided it would be best to stay at my mother’s in case we needed to take Ivy to the ER.
The willow in Mom's yard and Lydia's (my step-dad's dog) doghouse. She's in there full of pups. Due Christmas Eve.
The wettness left from the rain we’ve had this last week caused the snow to lay in blankets over everything. It was so beautiful. I haven’t been able to shake my melancholy since my last post, and just seeing it filled me with a white peace for awhile. There isn’t anything much more gorgeous than seeing a crown swooping from a white branch onto a ground covered in snow.
These hills are home in every season. Home because they are real. Life here is real. It is these solitary moments – the in breath – that takes me through my days lately.
I want to thank all of you who left a comment of well wishes on my last post. I appreciate it. If you don’t mind, please pray for or send healing thoughts to my Ivy. She’s so puny. I will rise up… one day, I will.
Such is the way of the world
You can never know
Just where to put all your faith
And how will it grow?
Gonna rise up
Burning black holes in dark memories
Gonna rise up
Turning mistakes into gold
Such is the passage of time
Too fast to fold
Suddenly swallowed by signs
Lo and behold
Gonna rise up
Find my direction magnetically
Gonna rise up
Throw down my ace in the hole
-Eddie Veddar, “Rise” music from the motion picture Into the Wild
I sat in the living room with Ivy in my lap watching the fog come up the holler this morning, and wondering how the rest of the weekend will play out. The gas company is still working on roads and new pipeline. The yard is becoming a mud pit, and I am ready to have the peace back around here. Today, I caught about five of them hovered around the chicken coop. One of them was giving one of our roosters hits off of his cigarette. I quickly went out on the porch to make myself known. I was about to have words with him, but I was able to restrain myself, and they just as quickly left our yard. I know that when all is finished, it will be better for us and easier on the vehicles, but right now, it’s hard.
I’m having to keep the girls inside for the most part. Today, it was so beautiful, we had to venture out for a quick swing while we caught some quiet. What you see here is the new road. We had to move the swingset. The road took our compost pile, all my wild blackberries, and my bird feeders that I made with the girls. However, it will prevent us driving through a large part of the creek. Hopefully, we’ll have a bridge over the deepest part at some point. Right now with the rain, we can’t park anywhere near the house. We are parking about a football field’s walk in the mud from the house. The dozers and inloaders coupled with the type of work they are doing has kept us out of the hills this fall. Usually, we are in them most days. I had wanted to take pictures of the trees and all their colors. The leaves are pretty much gone now. I took this next photo from the yard, catching a patch of trees that hadn’t been so blown by the wind.
I’m trying to look on the bright side of things. John has described this month as the month from “hell”, and for him it probably has been. October is my favorite month, so I’m giving its redemption my best shot. 🙂 I went to the produce stand on Wednesday and discovered that as long as there is something to be sold and people buying, they will be open! They carry some local goods like potatoes, honey, sorghum, and other canned items. The rest of the produce is trucked in from North Carolina, but it is a family business and small. It is an outdoor stand. Though the produce is not organic, its flavor is magnificent.
Here are some of the winter items I stocked up on, just in case they close.
In that basket are apples of all sorts, sweet potatoes, regular potatoes, and butternut squash. I plan to peel, slice, and freeze some of these apples for fried apples through the winter. Some of the green ones will make an apple pie. I have Mutsu and Granny Smiths. Sweet potatoes are something John and I have never liked until we started cooking more traditional/whole foods. Now,in this area, most sweet potato dishes that are served are very sweet, almost like a desert. Brown sugar, margarine, and marshmallows are added along with other spices. It makes it taste wrong to both John and I. However, we have found that we love them fried in butter with nothing added except occasionally a little nutmeg or cinnamon. I thought about making sweet potato chips with some of these, or baking a few. Yum! I can just see the melted butter.
I also got a few huge cabbages for sauerkraut making, and a box of the nicest onions. The red ones in the picture are the best tasting onion I have ever put in my mouth. They are so sweet. The little ones are PeeWee Vidalias. I’ll have to report back on those.
Before John left today, we talked about cooking. Neither of us can remember when I made a dinner last. 😦 I cook breakfast every morning. It is the family meal we rely on. This month we have been apart most of the time for dinner. I don’t cook when it is just me and the girls. They eat so little that we just eat lunch type foods. I miss dinner. That is why I bought the butternut squash. I have never had it, and I want to make something different. I want to eat things that are in season.
This morning, I made fried apples from the fresh apples I bought yesterday. The girls and I really enjoyed them. It is a traditional Appalachian food. Many families had apple trees on their little hillside homestead. I’ll post my recipe on the favorite recipes page.
Thanks ladies for the well wishes for the girls. It is a minor thing – cold like. I’m thinking either from all the wet weather or the sitting in the car cart at the mall when we went for my birthday. It is that or the mold issue. We are still working on that. The ventilation has brought some help, but not quite enough. We are looking for a dehumidifier. If that doesn’t work… I hope that isn’t the problem.
It is more than a blessing to be able to live in this holler and in this cabin. It is perfect for us. Our landlord is a true friend. I wish so much that it wouldn’t have to ever come to an end, even when things are a bit off kilter.
I wanted to avoid even mentioning swine flu on this blog. I try not to talk too much about my opinions on healthcare and western medicine. I won’t even do it now as I feel the urge to do. However, I have heard too many and been a part of too many conversations on this topic. I am also bombarded with it during what little time I do seek out the news of the day. I believe we are responsible for our own health in that we need to educate ourselves as much as we can when things like this creep up or when we are prescribed a new medicine, or told we need surgery. No, we aren’t doctors, but as patients we have the right to be fully informed before taking a doctor’s recommendation. Doctors are humans too.
So, when it come to the H1N1, here are some resources to look at. Also, remember to try to look at a balance of sources. Understand media is hype. Know that if you are eating real foods, getting enough sleep, and moving your body daily, you should trust your immune system to work properly and help you fight the illnesses you do contract. That is what it was made to do.
Center for Disease Control and Prevention – H1N1 Flu Update
Dr. Bob Sears – world reknown pediatrician and author of The Vaccine Book – Scroll down half the page to find his comments on the H1N1 vaccine.
Dr. Joesph Mercola – New York Times Best Selling Author and Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine with oodles of credentials – this is a page of his recent writings on H1N1.
Dr. Jay Gordon, MD FAAP IBCLC – H1N1 Update (Dr. Gordon has been featured on Fox News, Larry King Live and ABC’s 20/20
An Anti-Vaccine YouTube video – This is a song with some good general information as well and old news coverage of 1976. Yes, it’s relevant as I think the views you look at should be balanced in order to be truly informed enough to make your own decisions and opinions.
I’m not saying that this is an exhaustive list. I have provided you with a beginning to a bit of research you should do for yourself. The first in the list is the CDC and the farthest on the right of this issue that I have provided. They are also an objective resource. It goes down the line from there with the last resource obviously being the farthest on the left. I hope this is helpful to you, and I hope it helps you to relax a bit whatever decision you choose to make for yourself.
A Mountain Mama - East Kentucky Gal 